"I cursed a Godly man" written by Eunice Marasigan
Read the whole story below --
It all started two weeks ago when my boyfriend suddenly kept secrets from me. We were on a café below my office when he told me that he had little money on himself left. Innocently curious, I asked him the reason for this, and he only said that he bought something. I kept on insisting to know what it was since he usually tells me where his money goes. He refused and told me not to nag him about it. He was acting odd. Sure, I quietly obeyed him, but the question remained in my heart.
A week and a half later, I was in my office during lunch break when he asked me to call him ASAP. He informed me that on the very same day, he was going to another city. It was already past noon and whenever he travels to CDO, he does so early in the morning. He arrived in CDO at already 6PM and I already knew that he won’t be coming back to Iligan on the same day because of the curfew. This started to make me mad when I felt like he made a very wrong decision.
This wasn’t the Aaron I knew. Aaron budgets his money. He makes plans. He doesn’t like it when people invite him to an outing or an event without at least a week’s notice. He prepares. Wherever he goes, he always invites me. But this time, he simply informed me that he wants to go to another city without telling me in advance. I found it hypocritical for him when he doesn’t want me to go anywhere without a plan, but he did the thing he didn’t want me to do. I questioned his credibility. When I asked him why, he couldn’t make up his words. It was ambiguous and he told me not to ask him a lot of questions.
My thoughts and disappointments piled up and this finally angered me. I felt like he doesn’t trust me anymore. I felt that I was unimportant for him that he doesn’t involve me in his plans unlike before. He kept me in the dark by keeping secrets. My female mind started to wander at different possibilities, scenarios. The “What ifs” started to cross my mind. I know that he is a faithful man, but I started to think about horrible ideas that a girlfriend dreads. I was overthinking.
I started to curse him. I hurled insults. I attacked his integrity. I reckoned that I will never trust what he says ever again. I was mad at him the moment he pursued his travel until the evening. In between and even when he was apologetic and gracious to me, I still bugged him with harsh text messages and calls until his phone’s battery was drained. If you knew him personally, you'd know that he is strict and has a strong personality, but even after my series of text messages and calls insulting him and making him feel worthless, he had the patience of a saint. He never fought back, not even to defend his rights nor his integrity. Nothing made sense to me.
As funny as it seems, when I was bothering him with all the harsh messages, a verse was constantly impressed on my mind. Colossians 3:13 “Make allowance for each other's faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others.” But despite knowing this, I intentionally let my emotions control me.
I hadn’t communicated with Aaron after it as his phone was now dead. All I knew was that at 9 PM he was already on his way back to Iligan. Before I went to sleep, I grabbed a book titled “He said, She said, and what God said” (A book with Pastor Peter and Deonna) and randomly opened the pages. Before me was a story about a couple who fought with each other, but reconciled quickly as they followed Biblical principles that says “In your anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down when you’re angry.” In my surprise, the same verse I was constantly impressed upon, Colossians 3:13, was also mentioned in the story.
It finally dawned upon me that God wants me to forgive him. I knew his phone was dead but I still left him a message. I apologized for the mean words I said and for being disrespectful. I slept with a lighter heart.
Morning came and he informed me that last night, he walked from the Bus Terminal all the way to his home. I was tempted to mock him and make him feel bad about his decisions, but I held my tongue. There was no mention of our fight last night or if he read my apology. He invited me to go out with him in the afternoon, though I was busy, I wanted to go with him, a bit to compensate for our rough situation the day before.
We met outside the mall. There he was at a distance, looking very sharp and handsome with his hair neatly combed back like a Mafia. He wore a striped long-sleeved dress shirt that made him look like the Aaron I saw 2 years before.
Beside him was a wooden object that I would only see on movies. It was an unfamiliar thing to me. I took a closer look. It was a vintage picnic basket.
I finally understood everything.
The item he bought some weeks ago that he was hesitant to tell me about was a classic picnic basket. He bought it from the US and it was quite expensive because of the shipping fee.
He went to Cagayan de Oro to buy food for the picnic. Strawberries. Grapes. Oranges. Almonds, Pistachios, and Hazelnut. Toasted French Baguette with Salami, Butter, Tomato and Lettuce. A small bottle of Lambic Beer and a box of Ferrero Rocher’s – the chocolate I mentioned to him that I knew but never tasted.
We went to a park near the shore. He spread the picnic blanket on the soft green grass.
It was a picture perfect moment... the ideal and perfect date and something most girls today wouldn't probably experience.
But he was quiet.
I looked at him as he took out the food. 😢
I was harsh to him. I cursed the man who loved me and never failed to show it. I insulted and disrespected the man whose only wish was to surprise me and spend a good time with me, to bring me out of my stress in work and my CPA board reviews. He was the kind of man who wrote me genuinely type-written and hand-written love letters when he was courting me. He was the man who came to my office on a random, un-special day and surprised me with roses. He isn’t rich but he made sure Valentine’s Day for me was unforgettable and extra special. He was an old soul. Reserved and melancholic.
This guy never had a hint of unfaithfulness in him, but I doubted him. He saw the worst in me, and at times I hurt him very badly, but this man never left and he loved me the same. Though he is imperfect, he never failed to lead me Spiritually, imparts me good values, and shares me his wisdom.
I cursed a Godly man and it was unfair.
I had so much guilt in me that I tearfully and shamefully apologized to him after prayer. He didn’t say a word but he released a quick half-hearted smile without looking at me. It was one of his smiles that would tell me he was hurt but he still loved me. I can see the hurt I have caused him by just looking at his eyes. Nevertheless, I knew he forgave me. I know that he doesn’t keep a record of my wrongs, and I knew that we were good when I finally saw his genuine smile back as he desperately tried to open his lambic beer without a corkscrew.
We went on to enjoy the afternoon picnic date, we had no cameras to capture the moment, but we only enjoyed it even more. It rained late in the afternoon and we transferred to another place and added our left-over food for a candle light dinner with his family.
Before that day started, I had a morning devo on James 2:2-10.
“With the same mouth we praise and thank God, and out of the same mouth we curse men who were made in God’s likeness”
I was rebuked and reminded that we should be careful with our words. When we are angered, we shouldn’t speak hastily. Pause, process and pray. There is always a right time to talk, and a right time to keep quiet. Even when we are offended or confused, we should choose to say words that encourage and build people up. This is especially true when we don’t know all the details.
I know that women often feel insecure. We feel insecure in God’s love especially when God seems silent. How much more to a man who keep secrets. But if there is anything I’ve learned today, it is to trust God and trust a Godly man. I trust God because He is in control of everything and He has plans for me. I trust a Godly man, not because he knows everything, but he also puts his trust on God and he is accountable to God for his actions.
Ladies, if you found a Godly man, let him have the benefit of the doubt. A lot of women today, even some Christian women, think that they should be involved in all their man’s business. But our job is not to know everything, our job is to support them and see the best in them.
Maybe part of the reason why we see a lot of men that refuse to step up today is because we hinder them. We should allow them opportunities to lead in their own ways, especially our boyfriends who should practice the Godly discipline of leadership. A Godly man leads, loves, and provides. Above all, a Godly man trusts in the Lord and has a personal relationship with Him. That kind of man doesn't have to be perfect, he might not even do these things that Aaron does. The key is to lower your expectation and raise your appreciation to your man. Even Aaron plays DOTA and other video games, but he makes it a point to be a husband material as much as he can before marriage. Instead of nagging him about playing computer games, I try my best to support him and encourage him on other matters.
Ladies, maybe it’s also time to stop overthinking. You might say this is normal, but it’s not. Are we so used to the patterns of this world that whenever a man becomes silent or keep secrets, we immediately assume he's up to no good? We need to rise above our emotions and let God take care of everything especially of the things that we cannot control.
May God bless everyone who reads this and I hope this message finds you well and worth your time. ;) <3 You can share this to those who might learn from our experience. :)
By: Eunice Zandra Collantes Marasigan
